Sex in Inconspicuous Places

Tired of the same old routine? Why not get naked, have a little foreplay and then climb up on top for a bit of lust before you both roll over and go to sleep? Sure, a quickie now and then never hurt anyone, but quickies can lack in excitement if they're what you do every single time.

Well friend, it’s time to take that lady of yours out into the great wide open. Maybe it’s a matter of both getting a little smashed at the local pub and doing it in the back of your car before you take a cab home. Then at least you’ve got a story to giggle about with each other every time someone mentions your favorite watering hole.

You may think your girlfriend isn’t up for a little romp in the woods, but have you asked her? Try it. Take her out to dinner and tell her how you’d like to ravish her on the 50-yard line of your old high school football field. It’s all in the delivery. If you know your girlfriend is wild and crazy you’ll have an easier time coaxing her out of the bedroom. If you’re not sure, ask yourself the following questions: have you ever watched porn together, does she own a vibrator (this is a good thing by the way, so get over it), has she ever climbed on top and ravaged you? Does she masturbate, has she initiated roll playing, does she like to look at the two of you in the mirror when you make love? Start paying attention! All these things are good signs that a fun and feisty female is in your orbit.

Can’t think of anywhere “crazy” to do it? You’ll have no excuses after this!

9 to 5
Think working at the office is a drag, think again! Chances are that you have not only a key to the office, but to the conference room too. Lucky bastard! Stay late one night and collect some bank time. You’ll not only get a little cash bonus on your pay check and gain brownie points with the boss, but will be able to check the place out and provide some collateral in case you ever decide to “stay late” again.

Get your lady to pick you up late, when the janitor has left for the night. Take her, and all your stuff, into the boardroom and let loose. Best thing is this, you’ll not only have christened the boardroom table, but have an excuse in case anyone sees you leaving - you were working late and had your honey pick you up, just like last time. You’ll never be bored at another meeting again!

Eat and Run…
Have your lover meet you in the men’s bathroom of a restaurant you’ve never been to before. Grab a stall near the wall and lower the seat to the can. Have her stand on the seat and bend over so you can do it doggy style. She doesn’t even have to take off her panties, just pull them to the side. Hell, if you get busted, it’s not like you have to ever go back again!

Lights, Camera, Action
It’s the old cliché, but have you ever done something sexual, besides making out, in the back of a movie theatre? Here’s how you do it. Sit in the back row with your lady beside the wall. Pile your coats on the seat next to you to create the illusion of privacy. In the middle of the movie, unzip your pants and pull out your cock…guide her had over subtly. She won’t get it until she realizes that it’s not a chocolate bar she’s got a hold on! She’ll be sure to jerk you off or better yet, go down south. Be sure to take extra napkins from the concession. You’re going to need them!

Park it
We’ve already discussed doing it in the car in the back alley of your favourite pub, why not go the distance in your little lovemaking machine? Stop the car in your local park, steam up the windows and enjoy! Why not try a drive-in theatre? Grab a burger from the concession stand, catch a show and save “dessert” for the second showing of the night. An abandoned parking lot behind a building would also work, as would a dark dirt road just outside the city. Remember, always pack condoms and a blanket in the car for an emergency sex stop!

Party Hardy
So, you’re stuck at a friend’s lame party right? Wrong. This is the perfect opportunity to coax your lady into the spare room where all the coats are stored, tell her you’ve forgotten something in your jacket and you need help. When you get into the room, hit the lights and head for the nearest closet. Start at first base and start making your rounds. You’ll both be sure to have a relaxing evening after that. Be sure to thank the host for a great night on your way out, wink, wink.

Make a Splash
Getting freaky doesn’t mean you always have to have intercourse. Try cornering your girlfriend next time you’re both at a public pool. Slip your hands under her bottom and up under her bathing suit. Pleasure her and make her squirm with delight as you finger her and massage her clit. Her tan won’t be from the sun, but the rise of blood to her tender parts as you have encountered.

Pack the Sunscreen
Just because the beach has a sign that says no animals allowed doesn’t mean you can’t bring out the animal in you and your girlfriend. Take a large beach umbrella and all the other necessities you’ll need and head into the dunes. A day of fun sun and sex will be yours as you pleasure each other out in the great wide open. Be sure to have multiple towels necessary to cover up if someone’s beach ball comes flying your way.

Mile High Club
No Sex in Inconspicuous Places article would be complete without some advice about gaining access to the Mile High Club. Its members are few, but brave and horny. The ultimate thrill is to engage in sex while thousands of feet in the air. Welcome to the thrill ride of a lifetime, sex on a plane. It takes a high degree of organization and choreography to pull off this stunt. Your best bet is to have one lover secure the washroom at the back of the plane, when all is quiet, and have the other meet them there. The space is limited in the washroom so according to the sizes and shapes of you and your lover you’ll have to spontaneously improvise. It wouldn’t be fun if we gave all the secrets away, would it? When you’ve finished, have one partner leave the washroom while the other takes a few minutes to clean up. Oh, and forget the smoke after, you’ll set off the fire alarms!

Happy trails to you and yours get out of the bedroom and out and about! You can thank us later!